Articles: Humor

'Twas The Night Before Depo  

By Mary Ann Shea JD RN

‘Twas the night before depo and all through the office

There was no time to eat, much less take a break.

The files were all stacked on the floor all around

In the expensive law office, the priciest in town.

The partners were hungover from last night’s Christmas party

And most didn’t come to work until after ten forty.

When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter.

 I ran from my office to see what was the matter.

Away from my desk I flew like a flash,

Tripped over some files and landed flat on my face.

The stars how they twinkled, I felt a hematoma.

The blow to my head put me in a near coma.

The staff quickly gathered in a near panic state.

“The depo’s tomorrow!  What a terrible fate!”

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

But boxes of records going back several years.

They arrived by Fed Ex, stacked in boxes and trunks

Piled high in the lobby - I felt I had shrunk.

My hands were all shaky, my face had gone pale.

I wanted to tell them to go straight to the conference room.

“But what will we do now?” panicked voices exclaimed,

As they screamed and they hollered as if they’d been maimed.

As strong winds that before a wild hurricane fly

When they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky,

Affixing my fingers to my bloody nose

And giving a nod, off the floor I rose.

I said not a word but went straight to my work,

Muttering under my breath, “My boss is a busy guy.

I can handle this myself, since legal nurse consulting is my call

So dash away, dash away, dash away all.

I recalled all my skills as to my mind they came,

And I whistled and shouted and called them by name.

Record sorter, Bates stamper, Record Tabber and Finder

Researcher, Analyzer, Downloader and Binder.

I worked through the night, wildly muttering and gesturing,

Creating a summary to guide through the questioning.

With piles of records and a brand new highlighter

I just settled down for a very long all-nighter.

I fretted. I freaked. I cried and I wept.

Yet at handling such crises, I knew I was adept.

In this situation there was no need to curse,

After all, in my prior life, I worked as a nurse!

Equipped with the skills to save life from death,

I saw this situation from a new scope and breadth.

I handled more difficult situations than this,

So this little problem I knew I could fix.

I finished the task, quite well, I might add

In spite of the fact that most would have gone mad.

In the morning when at the office the attorney arrived

I greeted him with a smile and a high five.

For laying on his desk was the summary he needed

Despite this huge task, I had succeeded.

I knew in my mind I would finish this first

I had NO doubts, after all, I’m a nurse!

The attorney’s eyes twinkled, his dimples were merry.

He put the summary in the pile he would carry.

I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,

“That nurse in my office is more than all right.”

Believe it or not, this is the end of this verse

As once again someone was saved by a nurse.  

Copyright 2002 Mary Ann Shea. All rights reserved.

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